The Iguana Story

One of my good girlfriends lived in a very long ranch house. People pretty much came and went as desired as if they lived there. That was life at her house - everyone was family. Because the house was so long, she hung a bell onto the kitchen door so she could hear if anyone had arrived.

Now my friend also loved animals. She raised thoroughbred horses for a living and worked at the local vet as an animal health technician. Needless to say, there was always some new strange critter in her house. You learned to never lift the lid on a coffee can as there might be baby snakes inside. At one point, she had a blind three-legged dog, a pregnant cat that someone had dumped off in the dark, 2 Great Danes, chickens, a pig named Polly (that was actually a male - the kids used to play ring-toss with its tusks), I don't know how many cockatiels, love birds and parakeets, and an iguana.

Now I hate reptiles. I mean I have had nightmares involving reptiles. Prehistoric-looking things with little beady black eyes that have no soul. So I always took a wide berth around the iguana. Unfortunately, the kids would take the iguana out of its tank and let it run around the house. It had become accustomed to the sound of the bell on the kitchen door and had developed a bizarre habit of greeting anyone who entered by jumping on their foot and doing lizard push-ups. It was his way of saying 'hi!'. This strange habit enabled me to tolerate the thing enough to where I could actually be in the same room with it without freaking out.

One day as my friend and I were sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes and yapping, a mutual friend arrived. Now she was on the rotund side, and even though she was a large woman, she was very feminine with her gestures and expressions. It made her unique that way. Anyway, she opened the door and the bell rang. And from somewhere deep within the house, the iguana came running and landed on her foot to welcome her. 

At that point she began to scream and hyperventilate. This just made me and my friend laugh. We were kinda sick that way. The more she screamed, the more the lizard did his push-ups and the more we laughed. She got her wits about her enough to run down the hall and into the bathroom - with the lizard running after her.

I'm laughing so hard that I started to choke. We both get up and follow the parade into the bathroom where we find our friend standing in the bathtub - still screaming. Then I noticed two things: she had peed herself and the lizard was outside of the bathtub facing her, still doing his push-ups.

At this point, my friend and I completely lose it. I slide down the wall and can't breathe. My friend had enough functionality left about her that she was able to pick up the iguana and put him in his tank.

We spent the next hour or so with our friend being totally irked with both of us and yelled every choice word she could come up with multiple times. Because she was usually so feminine, it kept the laughter going. She hated us for at least a week after that. I don't think we ever got her to laugh about that adventure.

And that is the Iguana story.

Sweet Garden Fence

 I have a girlfriend that loves to garden. I love miniatures. So I mixed the two for a 'just because' gift.

The construction was pretty straightforward, so instead of providing instructions, I'm just posting a pic of the front and back. All metal parts were adhered with Gorilla glue, everything else was hot-glued. The flower box was made with craft sticks covered with foil and handles made of jute twine.

What I Used:

• Garden tools
• Garden hose with holder and hose bib
• Bucket
• Little red wagon
• Adhesive-backed sheet moss
• Craft sticks
• 2 wood cubes
• White chalk paint
• Bits of wire for hooks
• Gorilla clear contact adhesive
• Hot glue
• Mod-Podge for sign
• Bit of jute twine
• Tiny flowers
• Garden print (download below)

Garden Sign.pdf

McDonald's Got Scary

Last night I just didn't feel like cooking. This happens frequently as I live alone and dragging out pots and pans just doesn't seem worth it most of the time. (I'm looking to change the living alone scenario, but that's another story.) So I decide to run out and grab a quick burger. Since it was late in the evening, my new favorite burger place was not open, so McDonald's it was.

Let me back up and tell you that I hail from California. In California, the governor has decided to lock us down again - indefinitely. We're campaigning to recall him, but again, that's another story.

Because we're locked down, all drive-thrus have long lines. Even though we're allowed to go to restaurants that have outdoor dining, very few restaurants out here have it because it gets so stinkin' hot in the summer. So, it doesn't seem to matter what time of day it is, you're going to sit in a line. It's finally my turn. I place my order and scoot the car up so the person behind me can order. Now this particular McDonald's has a double-drive-thru so after you place your order, you then take turns forming a single line to approach the pay and pick up windows. It was while I was waiting my turn that the excitement began.

I guess someone wasn't following the drive-thru protocol and didn't pull up fast enough or far enough. This got some guy worked up and he was screaming from his car and honking his horn - dropping F-bombs at the top of his lungs with every other word. I look around my car for something to use as a weapon, if needed, and found a can of spray paint I picked up for another craft project. If nothing else, if it gets ugly and I'm somehow dragged in, my foe's face will end up being a lovely shade of agave blue.

The F-Bombing continues and when I looked in my side mirror, I see a guy get out of his car. Great. There's going to be a fight right here over hamburgers. I'm now able to drive up to the pay window where I see the young woman running the window is about 9-1/2 months pregnant. I asked her if she had the police number handy and if there was a guy that could take over the window. I was afraid for her - especially in her condition. She said she had the number handy, but felt ok because she had 3 other young women with her in her little cubby. She could also keep an eye out because they can see everything happening in the drive-thru, plus she can hear everything through her headset. I felt a little better for her and proceeded to the pick-up window. A hefty guy handed me my order and I asked him if he would please keep an eye on the women at the pay window. He assured me he would, so I took my burger and headed for home.

When I got home, my clicker for the gate didn't work. I guess the battery is dead after 5 years. Fortunately, the gate code is tied to my cell phone, so I just entered my code and buzzed myself in. Sheesh.

But I get it. People are frustrated. We're ALL frustrated and tired of being locked up. Tired of not being able to go to church or participate in other lawful activities (executive orders and edicts are not laws), while the rioters and useful idiots are free to run amok. But the frustration is becoming petty and childish. If people don't immediately get their way, or if things don't go the way they want them to, they're lashing out as if the situations are / were dire or life-threatening - or at the very least, they're just behaving like spoiled children. We all need to chill out and shift our focus to where it should be. Being kind to our neighbor, offering forgiveness and returning to civility. It's not your neighbor that's the problem.

Lavender Planter

It's been about a month since I posted last, but I've been crafting! I was just too lazy to get the camera out and take the pics. I recovered from my laziness today and have 6 new projects posted.

I had these 3 mini crates that have been staring at me for a while. I finally knocked the neurons around and came up with this planter.

Now you kinda get a peek at what my messy craft area looks like. 

Here's What You'll Need:

• 3 Mini Crates
• Paint or stain of your choice 
• Hot glue
• 2 Blocks of floral foam
• 1 pkg Reindeer Moss
• 2 bunches Lavender*
• 1 bunch Baby's Breath*
• 18 gauge wire
• Hot glue
• Mini Chalkboard sign
• Skewer
• Black paint
• Small paint brush
• White paint pen

*or flowers of your choice

   

STEP 1 - PREPARE CRATES: Paint or stain the crates. Let dry. Glue two together to form the bottom portion of the planter. Insert floral foam, leaving room on each end to cover handle opening with moss. Center the last crate on top and glue in place. Insert another block of floral foam, again, leaving room to insert moss to cover the handle opening.

STEP 2 - ARRANGE FLOWERS: Remove lavender from main stem. Place as desired in all three crates. Cut pieces of wire approx. 1-1/2" long. Remove baby's breath from main stem. Glue each individual stem to a wire and place amongst the lavender.

STEP 3 - MAKE GARDEN SIGN: Paint skewer black. Glue to the back of the chalkboard sign. With the white paint pen, write 'Lavender' on the sign. Trim skewer so sign is placed at desired height. Insert sign.

I had a mini garden gnome left over from another project and decided this would be his new home too. As ai recall, I got him at Hobby Lobby, but don't remember what I paid for him.

Done!

TOTAL PROJECT COST (minus paint & tools): $15

Mini Crates: $1 each = $3

Floral Foam: $1 each = $2

Reindeer Moss = $1

Lavender: $3 each = $6

Baby's Breath: $3

I had everything else on hand.

BUYING GUIDE

Mini Crates Floral Foam & Reindeer Moss: Dollar Tree

Lavender & Baby's Breath: Walmart

Easy Solar Lights

Got 5 minutes? This one is a real quickie! I made three of them to put on my porch table.

What You'll Need:

• Solar stake light
• Tall vase with opening slightly smaller than the top of the solar light
• Suitable glue

The glass vases come in a variety of colors.

STEP 1: Remove the stake and post from the solar light. All you will need is the rechargeable top and clear plastic section that holds the light bulb.

STEP 2: Apply glue to the rim of the vase. Insert solar light and center. Let set until completely dry.

Done!

PROJECT COST

Solar light = $1 each

Glass vase - $1 each

TOTAL PROJECT COST = $2 each.

BUYING GUIDE:

All items were purchased at the Dollar Tree.

Framed Lattice Wall Hanging

I had a canvas frame left over and it was burning a hole in my proverbial craft pocket. This would be cute with any number of things added to it.

This picture was taken at a bad angle. The bottom of the vase is actually
flush with the bottom of the background board.

What You'll Need:

• One 8"x10" canvas frame
• 12 Bamboo skewers
• Chalk paint in White and Black
• Stain
• Paint brushes
• Rag
• Staple gun with 5/8" staples
• Scissors
• Sandpaper, as needed
• Hot glue
• Embellishment of your choice

I used 12 bamboo skewers. This is just a guide. If you'd like your grid to be closer together, you will obviously need to use more than 12.

STEP 1 - PREPARE FRAME: Remove canvas from frame. With white paint, paint entire frame - inside and out. Set aside to dry. When completely dry, apply stain and let that dry completely.

STEP 2 - PREPARE SHIPLAP MOUNTING BOARD: Apply glue to 2 paint sticks. Placing side-by-side, glue paint sticks on top of the 2 with the glue to form a square. When glue is set, cut rounded edges with scissors all around. Paint and stain as for the frame in Step 1.

STEP 3 - PREPARE GRID PIECES: With scissors, cut the sharp tips off of the skewers so you won't be continuously pricking yourself. Paint each skewer black. Let dry.

STEP 4 - ASSEMBLE GRID: With back of canvas frame facing you, position skewers at a diagonal, spacing evenly apart (I just eyeballed it, but you can use a ruler if you prefer). When satisfied with the placement, mark top and bottom placement of each skewer. Staple skewers in place and trim off excess.

Repeat Step 4, placing skewers in the opposite diagonal direction.

STEP 5 - APPLY MOUNTING AREA: Turn frame over with right side facing you. Position placement of the mounting board centering it over the grid. Mark placement. Apply a few drops of hot glue to skewers and place mounting board. 

Flip frame over so the back is facing you, apply generous amounts of hot glue to several places to securely hold the mounting board in position. Glob it on!

STEP 6 - APPLY EMBELLISHMENT: Using the appropriate glue for the item you're placing, position item on the mounting board and glue. Let glue set completely.

Done!

PROJECT COST

Canvas Art Frame = $1

Bamboo Skewers = $1

Paint Sticks = $1

I had all other items on hand.

TOTAL PROJECT COST = $3

BUYING GUIDE

Art frame and skewers: Dollar Tree

Paint Sticks: Home Depot

Farmhouse Screen Door

I know I've been posting a lot of crafts that use Dollar Tree items, but with this virus, access to craft supplies is limited in my area. For the better craft stores like Michaels, Joann's and Hobby Lobby, they're inventories for basic crafting items are mostly sold out. But I can freely go to a Dollar Tree. And since we have four of them in my area, I find that I've been hitting all of them on a routine basis in search of something to work on.

So here's the latest Dollar Tree project.

What You'll Need:

• 2 pkgs Wood Rulers (totaling 4 rulers)
• 1 Splatter screen (the one with handle, not the center knob)
• 8 Quart-size paint sticks
• Spackle or wood filler
• Sandpaper
• Hot glue
• Paint in desired color
• Paint brush
• Small bit of doweling, small bit of skewer
• Box cutter
• Pliers
• Scissors

      

STEP 1 - PREPARE SCREEN DOOR FRAME: Remove plastic ruler mark strips from all four rulers. Set 2 aside as you will use them as-is. From the remaining rulers, and using the box cutter, score 3 pieces 4-1/4 inches long, then bend to break apart. Cut any wood flash off with your scissors.

Arrange pieces as follows: 

The smooth side of the rulers will be used as the front side. The raised strip on each ruler will be used as guides on the back. 

The two uncut rulers will be used as the outside of the frame. The three short pieces are placed on the inside top, bottom and middle. Glue in place. Take one of the paint sticks and cut into small narrow pieces to be used as reinforcements on the back of the frame. Take 4 pieces and glue one in each corner seam. Take 2 additional pieces and glue one in the middle on each side of middle piece.

Flip frame over to so the front is facing you. Fill holes with spackling. Set aside to dry.

Flip frame over so back is facing you. Cut 5 of the the quart-sized paint sticks to fit in the bottom section of the door frame. Glue in place.

STEP 2 - PREPARE SCREEN: Using pliers, lift one side of the round frame from the screen all around. This will allow you to use the entire screen. If you have a better method for separating the screen from its frame, by all means, use it.

With the back side of the door frame facing you, measure the area for the screen (from guide to guide) and cut a square of the screen to those measurements.

STEP 3 - PAINT THE DOOR FRAME: Sand the speckled areas flush to ruler surface. Wipe off dust with a damp cloth. Paint the door frame making sure to cover the inside edges of the upper and lower sections and outside edges. Mine took two coats. Let dry completely.

STEP 4 - MAKE DOOR HANDLE: Cut a small piece of doweling (approx. 3/4" long), and a small piece of a skewer (approx. 1/2" long). Glue pieces together and paint black or in a color that coordinates with the door. 

STEP 5 - ATTACH SCREEN & DOOR HANDLE: Take the last two paint sticks and cut in half lengthwise to form 2 narrow strips. With back side of door frame facing you, cut each narrow stick to length to fit inside of the guides.

Place screen in upper portion of frame. Apply hot glue to one stick and glue over screen to attach to the frame. Repeat for the other 3 sides.

Flip door over. Glue door handle in place, skewer side to the door.

Done!

If desired, make a small wreath to hang on your door : )

PROJECT COST (not including paint, tools and basic supplies):

Rulers, spackle and splatter screen = $1 each to total $4

I already had all other items.

TOTAL PROJECT COST = $5

BUYING GUIDE

All items purchased at Dollar Tree.

Tiered Plant Stand

Here's a cute pot stand for mini terracotta pots and is perfect for displaying small succulents! (Mine are always fake.) I had bought a package of 3 mini terra-cotta pots and wasn't quite sure how I would display them, so they sat around unused until I came up with this. This is perfect for a little something to place in a corner somewhere to spruce things up a bit.

What You'll Need:

• 4 cubes w/ drawers - you will be using the outside cubes only
• 3 mini terracotta clay pots
• Paint, stain or both
• Paint brush
• Suitable craft glue
• A small amount of jute twine or other embellishment
• Bits of floral foam, as needed
• 3 artificial succulent plants (or plants of your choice)
• Scissors

These boxes come with
a variety of cut-out shapes.

For paint, I used Waverly Chalk paint in Scallion and Metallic Real Gold for the pots. I painted the stand with Waverly white chalk paint and stained it afterward with a dark walnut stain. For one of the succulent plants I used, you could see the floral foam, so I added some aquarium gravel that I had on hand to hide it.

STEP 1: Remove drawers from cubes, set aside for another project. Glue 3 cubes together, open sides down, forming an L-shape. Glue the last cube on top of the corner cube. Let glue set completely.

Note: The cubes will not be the same identical size. Align the cubes so all outside edges are flush. You will be disguising the fit inconsistencies on the inside later.

STEP 2: Paint or stain your cube configuration. Let dry.

STEP 3: To disguise the fit inconsistencies, glue jute twine, (or a strand of small beads or whatever suits your fancy), around the bottom of the top cube and up the center where the two bottom cubes meet in the front. Trim off any excess.

STEP 4: Paint pots as desired or leave as-is. If desired, you can embellish with some jute twine, (or whatever you used on the stand), beneath the rim of each pot to tie the overall design into the stand.

STEP 5: Add your floral foam and plants.

Done!

PROJECT COST (not including paint and tools):

Cubes = $4

1 pkg Mini Terracotta Pots = $1

Succulent plants = $3

Floral foam = $1

Total Project Cost = $9

BUYING GUIDE:

Cubes, Pots, Floral Foam and Succulents were purchased at the Dollar Tree.

All other items I had on hand.

Red Barn Planter

Real farmhouses are not decorated or accessorized in all white on the inside. I've yet to see a farmhouse kitchen with subway tile that is outside of the suburbs. Or signs that say Farm or Farmhouse hung on the walls. That's a Joanna Gaines-take thing. I like Joanna's style too, but let's please get away from all farmhouse-style decor being white.

For a while, I lived up the hill from my girlfriend who raised thoroughbred horses for racing. Her house was the proverbial 'farmhouse'. And her kitchen was not all white. In fact, it was wallpapered with blue paper that had little white flowers all over it. She had an old round oak table that was stained a dark color. Her bathroom door was made out of old barn wood with a crescent cut into it. I loved that door! Bottom line, it was a real farmhouse without all of the glitz of a professional interior decorator.

So I offer you a craft that deviates. It's red. Like barns are red.

What you'll need:

• One 30-count pkg quart paint sticks
• 2 Dollar Tree frames
• 4 Dollar Tree wood cubes
• Red chalk paint (I used Folk Art Imperial)
• Stain or brown paint for distressing
• Wax
• Paint brushes
• Clean rag
• Paper towels
• Scissors (not your good ones, you'll be cutting paint sticks)
• Craft knife
• Craft glue
• Pencil
• Sandpaper
• Floral foam
• Floral bush
• Wire cutters, as needed

This planter is not designed for holding soil. If you'd like to use for real plants, plant them in a pot that will fit inside the planter. If your pot isn't tall enough to display properly, you may need to add something inside the planter to raise it up.

STEP ONE - PREPARE FRAMES

Remove any raised pieces from the backing on one frame. These can be easily pried off using your fingers or a screwdriver. Remove back from one frame. The back can be removed by firmly pushing out from the inside - you may have to go around a time or two (don't use brute force as you may crack the back or frame). The frames will serve as the top and bottom portions of the planter.

STEP TWO - ATTACH SIDING

Using the glue of your choice, attach 5 paint sticks to the inside of the bottom and top frames. Let set. If desired, cut 4 paint sticks to line the top inside of the planter to hide the rounded edges of the paint sticks. Glue in place.

STEP THREE - PREPARE & ATTACH CROSS HATCHES

Using a craft or razor knife, cut 4 paint sticks in half lengthwise to create 8 pieces. Sand edges as needed. Position on side of planter to determine cut length of first cross hatch. Mark with a pencil, cut with scissors and glue in place. Position another stick in the opposite direction. Mark to make center cut and end cuts. Cut and glue in place. Position second half of stick and mark end cut. Cut and glue in place.

Repeat for remaining 3 sides.

STEP FOUR - ATTACH PLANTER FEET

Glue one cube to each corner of bottom.

STEP FIVE - PAINT, DISTRESS & FINISH

Paint the entire planter with red paint, including the bottom. Mine took 2 coats. Let dry completely between coats and after. 

If using stain, apply stain with a clean rag - one side or section at a time - and wipe off with clean paper towels leaving stain in the nooks and crannies. Repeat for entire planter. Let dry completely.

If using paint, dry-brush brown paint on all edges to distress. Let dry.

Finish with applying a coat of wax to the entire planter. Let dry 24 hours.

Glue floral foam to the bottom of the planter, Trim stem of floral bush, if needed, insert into the foam and display.

DONE!

TOTAL PROJECT COST - $4

2 frames @ $1 each - $2

6" paint sticks - $1

Wood cubes - $1

I had everything else.